3 Devices to Make Them Go Away

Is there someone standing in front of your cube, cutting into your valuable solitaire time? Since there are some cases where you can't just tell them to "fuck off", here are three D-evices (They all start with the letter "d". We get it, Ed.) you can use to make them go away. Even if they return in the future, this will at least let you finish your current game.

1. Defer: Tell the person that you can't give their request the full attention it deserves right now. Ask them to schedule time in the future specifically for this topic. People like immediate gratification. If you can't do it right now, then chances are they'll look for someone else that can. Better yet, ask them to add the item to the agenda of a group meeting that's already on the calendar. This saves you having yet another meeting. Also, if their topic isn't that important, the team will never get to it, and it's not your fault. Keep in mind that if it does get brought up in a public forum, it may be harder to say "no" in front of a group.
2. Deflect: Suggest that someone else is better suited to address their task or that it's not in your authority to make that decision. A lot of work is created just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. People will look for the first warm body they see that might be able to help them. Example: An account manager asks you to give a presentation for a customer call. Presumably because they're too lazy to put the presentation together on their own, and are incompetent to answer any questions beyond "when does lunch arrive". They will look for anyone that can fog a mirror, fulfills their commitment to "get someone from corporate", and can be a scapegoat if the call goes poorly. Of course, it's in their best interest for the call to go well. So before you open that calendar, point them to a "real expert" that will make them look good in front of the customer. You didn't decline, in the event it comes back to your boss. You also look helpful.
   
3. Distract: Pick at small points that aren't central to the question at hand. This may lead the requester to reconsider if their task is valid, or at least send them away to track down more information. Example: A product manager asks you to write code for a new hardware platform. Don't focus on whether or not you want to write the code. Ask if that's really the right hardware platform for customers. It's a legitimate question. If they don't have their shit together, they won't have a good answer. Guess what. You get a bye. Even if they address this initial question, there are infinite other side questions that can distract them from the task at hand.