PS-There's a word for that you know. "Schadenfreude" is German for "pleasure taken from someone else's misfortune". That's you, if you clicked on the link. Sadistic bastard!
Monday, October 8, 2007
Saddest Cubicle Contest
PS-There's a word for that you know. "Schadenfreude" is German for "pleasure taken from someone else's misfortune". That's you, if you clicked on the link. Sadistic bastard!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Cubespeak

""We thank Don for his contributions to Apple during the past ten months, and wish him well in his future endeavors." Translation: You're history, butt-munch."It perfectly sums up all those politely worded fuck you for resigning emails that are sent out whenever an employee decides they've had enough of the current bullshit, and are out looking for newer greener bullshit elsewhere.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
3 Devices to Make Them Go Away
- Defer: Tell the person that you can't give their request the full attention it deserves right now. Ask them to schedule time in the future specifically for this topic. People like immediate gratification. If you can't do it right now, then chances are they'll look for someone else that can. Better yet, ask them to add the item to the agenda of a group meeting that's already on the calendar. This saves you having yet another meeting. Also, if their topic isn't that important, the team will never get to it, and it's not your fault. Keep in mind that if it does get brought up in a public forum, it may be harder to say "no" in front of a group.
- Deflect: Suggest that someone else is better suited to address their task or that it's not in your authority to make that decision. A lot of work is created just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. People will look for the first warm body they see that might be able to help them. Example: An account manager asks you to give a presentation for a customer call. Presumably because they're too lazy to put the presentation together on their own, and are incompetent to answer any questions beyond "when does lunch arrive". They will look for anyone that can fog a mirror, fulfills their commitment to "get someone from corporate", and can be a scapegoat if the call goes poorly. Of course, it's in their best interest for the call to go well. So before you open that calendar, point them to a "real expert" that will make them look good in front of the customer. You didn't decline, in the event it comes back to your boss. You also look helpful.
- Distract: Pick at small points that aren't central to the question at hand. This may lead the requester to reconsider if their task is valid, or at least send them away to track down more information. Example: A product manager asks you to write code for a new hardware platform. Don't focus on whether or not you want to write the code. Ask if that's really the right hardware platform for customers. It's a legitimate question. If they don't have their shit together, they won't have a good answer. Guess what. You get a bye. Even if they address this initial question, there are infinite other side questions that can distract them from the task at hand.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
How to Hide Beer in the Office
Alas, these are no longer considered appropriate, or even tolerable, actions in the modern workplace. Limiting our drug intake to caffeine, or forcing us to go smuggle our libations into the office rather than drudge through the day stone sober.
The fine people over at Dethroner have come up with an ingenious solution for keeping your stash cool and safe. Think about it. When was the last time you saw any of the lazy bastards around your office put paper in the printer or copy machine?
Monday, September 10, 2007
Cubes Adult Play Sets
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